It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
