You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
