I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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