Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
