Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
