I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
