Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
