Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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