isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
