if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
