just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
