okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She bit a glass in half.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
