the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
