I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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