ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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