My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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