p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
