You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
