She said her name was "party"
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
bring money and cleavage
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
