I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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