i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
