She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
