I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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