if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
