Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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