his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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