No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
