Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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