Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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