Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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