another moral hangover. fuck.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
