Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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