the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
