I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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