I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
