It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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