This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
