Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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