try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
