Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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