So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
