Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
