I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
