im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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