Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
