I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
