omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
