I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
