im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
