So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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