wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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