I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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