I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
