i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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