I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
