:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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