Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize