I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
