His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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