Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
