ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
