ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
