My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
