You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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