Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
