the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
