he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
