Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
