I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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