Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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