I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
