tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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